At Least You Know Better Than This

It’s a sad fact of life. Summer is long since over, and here comes the snow. However far away your next vacation might be, it’s probably too far. You need a pick-me-up. And, well, it’s a guilty fact that nothing makes you feel better about yourself than hearing about people doing silly things you’d never dream of.

The following are real stories collected in over three decades in the staffing industry. Names and places have been omitted, to protect the guilty. But you wouldn’t do any of this anyway, would you? We hope not!

Yeah, I think they’ll probably notice

Don’t send one of your friends/someone to work for you on your behalf.

Don’t steal; money and products left unattended are still not yours for the taking.

Don’t eat at your desk all day long; coworkers don’t enjoy the smells, sights and sounds that make them feel as if they are working at a buffet.

Don’t show up late to work “because of traffic”, forgetting that your manager starts out at the same time from a place only two blocks away from you.

Do bathe regularly; when coworkers can smell you before they can see you, it’s time to reconsider your hygiene regime.

Wardrobe malfunctions

Don’t wear high heeled stilettos to a construction site where you’ll be installing the network connections.

If your outfit would look appropriate in a nightclub, it’s probably not doing much for your professional image at work. Even worse if it looks like you DID wear it to a nightclub last night… and haven’t changed since.

And while we’re talking wardrobe, being an hour late “because I couldn’t find the shoes that go with this outfit, and the outfit’s no good without the shoes,” may seem like a sound excuse to you, but probably notsomuch to your coworkers.

Phone etiquette

Don’t fight loudly with your spouse/significant other on the phone at the worksite.

Don’t fall asleep during a teleconference and snore loudly into your headset microphone.

Flushing the toilet while your headset microphone is turned on – also somewhat disruptive to the flow of conversation.

Exit, stage right

Want to leave your current placement? Some methods are better than others. It may be tempting to tell a fib, but odds are pretty good that it will come back to bite you sooner or later. Here are a few of the best ones on our not-this-way list:

Don’t simply stop coming to work or answering your phone. That may work in terminating a dating relationship, but it doesn’t go down well with an employer.

Don’t claim that you need to leave the country, then show up working for another company down the street just two weeks later.

Don’t claim a catastrophic illness (like sudden blindness). Your miraculous cure two weeks and one employer later is going to be awkward to explain.

Don’t fake a pregnancy.

And, once in a while, stuff that defies categorization

Don’t bring your pets to work, unless they are bona fide assistance animals; not everyone wants to meet your lizard.

It’s great to be creative (and hey, who doesn’t like a bit of free-form abstract poetry once in a while), but if you have problems with your coworkers, writing elaborate epic verses with veiled allusions to the people you work with, and scattering them around the office for everyone to read, well… maybe you’d be better off at a poetry reading. Just saying.

And with that break from the usual, we promise to return next time with more (and more serious) career-boosting advice from our dedicated team!

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